Back in 1987, my late great-aunt bought a Mercury Grand Marquis.  That darling, feisty old lady decided it was time to replace her eight-year old Ford LTD Landau, walked into the Mercury dealer, picked out a black Grand Marquis, paid for it with a check, and kept that car until she passed away fourteen years later.

Were she still with us, chances are she’d walk into a Mercury dealer and repeat the process.  That’s what the Grand Marquis is for.  If you’re too young to remember the Reagan presidency, you’re probably thinking, “They still MAKE those things?”  And it’s true, they do.  Cars like Chevrolet’s Impala and Buick’s LeSabre hint at the glory days of the softly-sprung, highway-bred sedan, but the Grand Marquis is still living that particular slice of the American dream, complete with rear-wheel drive and a big V8 under that long hood.  For 2001 the Grand Marquis soldiers on, having carried the same basic structure (with updates, naturally) since the early 1990s.  Tweaks include the new Personal Safety System, which regulates the deployment of airbags in an accident, and optional adjustable pedals.

No cutting-edge design here; the biggest Mercury knows its audience, and plays directly to it.  The chrome grille with its narrow vertical bars has been a Grand Marquis hallmark since the 1970s.  All of the character lines emphasize the car’s length and width.  Though it’s not that much bigger than a Chevy Impala (an inch or two here and there), it looks like it’s two sizes bigger, at least.  The Grand Marquis’ long hood and long trunk contribute to its classic American sedan proportions.  And yes, it still comes with whitewall tires, wrapped around intricately sculpted aluminum wheels.  We wonder what’s going to become of the Grand Marquis as Mercury moves into the more edgy, art-deco architectural design featured on the Cougar and upcoming Mountaineer, because Ford’s “New Edge” design is clearly not spoken here.

The Grand Marquis bears an even stronger resemblance to its forebears on the inside.  With bench seats up front and tons of legroom in the rear, it’s a good place for four people to spend a cross-country trip.  The instrument panel is digital, and the big Mercury defies the modern “cockpit” interior trend with a horizontal wood strip which runs from one side of the car to the other.  Interior storage space could be better; although the Grand Marquis is available with a six-disc CD changer, there’s no space to put six CD cases up front.  Two smallish cubbies inside the armrests and a pair of narrow door pockets are about it.  By contrast, the trunk is huge and deep.  The floor isn’t flat, but it’s cavernous under that lid.

Driven a Grand Marquis of almost any vintage?  You’ll be familiar with this drill:  step on the gas, wait for the 4.6 liter V8 to respond with a muted growl, and that long hood rises slightly as the car squats on its suspension.  It’s exciting, but most of the visceral drama is provided by the Grand Marquis’ shocks.  It isn’t all that fast.  220 horsepower provides plenty of freeway power, once you get the car’s 3973 pounds rolling.  The Grand Marquis is quiet, however.  The engine is loafing along at low rpm for most freeway duties, thanks to long-legged 2.73:1 gearing.

Handling hasn’t changed a great deal since the early 1980s, either.  Stacked up against all of its competition–Chevy Impala, Buick LeSabre, Chrysler Concorde, Toyota Avalon–the Grand Marquis has only a casual relationship with the road.  That’s not a bad thing, since it’s exactly what most Grand Marquis buyers want.  Soft springs absorb bumps as well as a balloon-tired sport-ute, and the car’s reflexes are somewhat…reserved.  It can take a lot of steering wheel work to get that long nose pointed where you want it.  A 40.3-foot turning circle gives urban Grand Marquis drivers plenty of three-point turn time to reflect upon of the glory days of the land yacht.  The power steering is heavily boosted at low speeds, to provide that classic two-fingered steering experience.  At higher speeds it tightens up nicely, though.  One improvement over past years is a lack of floatiness in steering and suspension.  Hard brake applications don’t threaten to scrape the front bumper on the ground like they did in years past.

By comparison to newer cars in its class, the Grand Marquis is lightly equipped.  Don’t look for steering wheel radio controls or heated seats; they’re not available, and ABS and traction control are options.  The Personal Safety System is standard.  A Handling Package adds dual exhaust and a quicker final drive ratio, for a slight boost in power and acceleration.  Prices start at $24,410 for an LS model.  Our test vehicle was a Grand Marquis LS Limited edition, which featured a special leather and wood steering wheel, and gold-painted wheels to match its Harvest Gold paint job.  Optioned-up with a six-disc trunk-mounted CD player, leather interior, power seats, and an integrated garage door opener, it stickered for $29,100, which isn’t too much more than my great-aunt paid for her Grand Marquis almost sixteen years ago.

Specifications:
All specs are for the 2000 Mercury Grand Marquis LS, which we tested.

Length:     211.9 inches
Width:        78.2 inches
Height:        56.8 inches
Wheelbase:    114.7 inches
Curb weight:    3973 lb
Cargo space:    20.6 cu. ft
Base price:    $24,410
Price as tested: $29,100
Engine:     4.6 liter SOHC V8
Drivetrain:          four-speed automatic, rear-wheel drive
Horsepower:     .    220 @ 4750 rpm
Torque:     265 @ 4000 rpm
Fuel capacity:    .19.0 gal.
Est. mileage:    18/25

6/2009 update:  What’s there to add?  The Grand Marquis is a constant, even though it’s out of production.  They’re all pretty much the same, have been since 1995, and they last forever unless you do something stupid to them. The electrics are going to fail left and right, but the car itself will just soldier on.