After an hour with the MINI Cooper I had made up my mind:  they couldn’t have it back.  The MINI people were just going to have to build another one to give to the next journalist, because this one was mine.  I’d write them a check for any amount.  I’d barricade myself in the garage with it if I had to.  I wouldn’t be taken alive.  The MINI and I could escape to Canada and start a new life for ourselves, on the run.

Was it simple holiday madness, or is the MINI really that good?  In order to remain some shred of journalistic objectivity, I’m not going to answer that question, but let’s just say that it’s gotten a lot easier to answer when people ask me, “So what’s your favorite car, of the new ones you’ve driven?”

Let’s start from the beginning.  The happy, cheeky little box of a car you see here is the all-new 2003 MINI Cooper.  It’s spiritually descended from the British-built BMC Mini of the 1960s and 1970s, the revolutionary commuter turned pop-culture icon by movies like The Italian Job.  The new MINI is built by BMW, however.

The result is immediately recognizable.  The round headlights, stubby nose and tail, and squared-off roof are clear hallmarks to the MINI’s famous predecessor.  It’s bigger in every dimension, but at just over eleven feet long it’s still petite for a modern car, at least in the United States.  Fully open both doors and the MINI is wider than it is long.  The hood opens clamshell-style, taking the headlights with it, resulting in a nose that’s free of seams.  This quiet elegance is carried through the design; the windows are frameless, the fenders slightly flared, and the windows seem to be continuous from windshield to backlight.  Even if you don’t like hatchbacks, there’s something timelessly cool about the MINI’s tough but compact shape.  Cooler yet, the roof and mirrors can be ordered in contrasting black or white as well as body color at no additional cost.  The MINI offers a 12-color palette and a choice of cute hood stripes, too.  My blue and white test car had hotel valets sprinting for the privilege of parking it.

Inside, the MINI’s art-house look continues.  The first thing to catch the eye is the speedometer, which is mounted dead center and about the size of a dinner plate.  A smaller tachometer rides atop the steering column.  Chrome aircraft-style toggle switches for the windows and a nice fat ball of a shifter are retro touches.  They’re balanced by much more futuristic, spaceship-ovoid turn signal stalks and minimalist door panels.  The MINI makes a great travel/commute companion for one or two people only.  There’s seating for four inside the MINI, but do your best to win the coin toss to ride up front as the rear seat legroom leaves something to be desired.  Cockpit storage and luggage space are also at a serious premium.  Apart from the lack of space, which should be pretty obvious considering the petite exterior, there’s only one real downside to the inside; it looks cool, but the some of plastic feels toylike and cheap.  I could complain about the placement of the dead pedal, too, but I won’t.

Why complain?  It’s academic.  Turn the key, and comfort and ergonomics will soon be forgotten.  The MINI practically redefines the concept of “fun to drive.”  Thanks to a “Z-link” multi-link rear axle borrowed from BMW and MacPherson struts up front, the MINI drives like no economy car you’ve ever met.  It is equally happy playing econobox commuter or hot rod, and that’s the idea, of course.  My test MINI was the “base” Cooper model, and it was happy to run rings around anything in its class, including the more powerful Ford Focus SVT and Toyota Celica.  It even felt happier over our curvy, hilly test loop than even some dedicated sports cars like the Audi TT.  With the wheels pushed out to the corners and grippy 15″ wheels, the flyweight Mini’s responses are almost telepathic. The ride is a bit stiffer than the average economy car, but not so harsh as to be uncomfortable, and the nimble handling is a huge payoff.  Assisting the nut behind the wheel are standard anti-lock brakes with Electronic Braking Distribution (EBD) and Cornering Brake Control (CBC), a system which counteracts rear-end looseness when braking through turns.

The MINI is eager to chirp the tires when launching, so it’s a surprise to learn that it’s only got 115 horsepower to work with.  The 1.6 liter four-cylinder makes the most of its 110 foot-pounds of torque throughout the powerband.  Just between you and me, there’s enough power to cruise easily at ridiculous speeds.  Better yet, it returns 28/37 mileage, even when driven in anger.  On road trips, the MINI’s 13-gallon tank means that there aren’t many fuel stops to interrupt the fun.  I never found myself wishing for more grunt, but it’s available in the form of the 163-horse supercharged MINI Cooper S.  The standard five-speed manual transmission is quick and smooth, well-suited to aggressive driving.  A continuously variable transmission is offered, but would take much of the fun out of driving the MINI.

BMW calls the MINI a “premium compact.”  That means that in addition to the cute-as-a-button looks and slick interior, you get six standard airbags, a flat tire monitor, and a CD player .  The options list includes stability control, a spoiler, a full-length panoramic sunroof, rain sensing wipers, heated seats, a reverse parking aid, automatic climate control, a navigation system, a choice of sound systems…in short, it’s easy to outfit the MINI just like a seven-eighths scale luxury car.  Sticking to the basics will net a shocking pricetag, though.  MINIs start at $16,425, and our test car stickered for just $17,250.  But you’ll have to find your own; this one is mine.  They won’t get this test car from me until they pry it from my…you know the rest.

Specifications:
All specs are for the 2003 MINI Cooper, which we tested.
Length:         142.8 in
Width:            66.5 in.
Height:            55.4 in.
Wheelbase:        97.1 in.
Curb weight:        2524 lb
Cargo space:        5.3 cu.ft. (seats up); 23.7 cu.ft (seats folded)
Base price:        $16,425
Price as tested:     $17,250
Engine:         1.6 liter SOHC inline four-cylinder
Drivetrain:         five-speed manual, front-wheel drive
Horsepower:         115 @ 6000
Torque:         110 @ 4500
Fuel capacity:        13 gal.
Est. mileage:        28/37